Genetic secrets revealed!

NOTE: There's a lot of buzz these days about the mapping of the human genome. The pros and cons of this information, the potential to flag disease markers and other possible outcomes are way too important to tackle in this blog. But you don't need a geneticist to know that some traits are usually, well, genetic. In fact even if you were blindfolded, odds are you could spot the XX or XY below.

XX or XY?

Photo: AlyssssIA ( yes that's really what it said)

Only your geneticist knows for sure. 

- The desire to acquire multiple pairs of athletic shoes.

- The desire to acquire multiple pairs of unwearable shoes.

- Keeping pictures of friends and family on your phone.

-  Keeping pictures of large steaks you have eaten on your phone.

-  A powerful, magnetic attraction to The Three Stooges, accompanied by beer.

 - A powerful, magnetic attraction to any movie that makes you cry, accompanied by wine.

-  Beavis and Butthead

- Sarah Jessica Parker

- The need to wait for others to leave a public bathroom before "going." (And the need to hurry if you hear someone sitting silently in the stall next to you.)

Photo: Marco Dimas

- The need to carry on an uninterrupted conversation, complete with sound effects, while "going."

- Belching loudly (at any age.)

- Belching loudly (during the "college years.")

- The intuitive ability to operate any electronic device anywhere, at any time, at any age.

- The intuitive ability to know what "semi-formal dress" means anywhere, at any time, at any age.

- The toilet seat is a big deal.

- What's the big deal about the toilet seat?

Of course, every rule has the exception. That's what makes us interesting. For example this XX was openly horrified years ago at the movie "A Walk in the Clouds" along with my XY companions, while the other XX in our group bravely admitted enjoying it. I really can't weigh in on "The English Patient" because I slept through it. Five times. (A fact I was quite concerned about until Elaine redeemed me on Seinfeld by hating it.) Yes, I laughed (at parts) of Jackass. Like the dreaded hardware store scene. (Nervous laughter? Maybe.)

I know guys who can dress better than me (don't trip over that bar) and women who own band saws. We're all different. And that's a good thing.

Breasts, butts and the bottom line.

 Okay, you know I had to go here at some point, so why not now? Love it or hate it, sex has a place in advertising. Always has, always will.  Because sex sells. And lest we forget: advertising is only the world’s SECOND oldest profession.

Now you may be surprised (or not if you know me well) that this isn’t going to be a Victorian-inspired rant about objectification. Rather, I’d like to take a step back and look at how (in my humble opinion) sexual attraction from XX’s (and XY's) works – and doesn’t work – around the world.

I remember hearing a creative director speak once about working in Europe after spending the bulk of his career in the U.S. Basically his observation was that the rest of the world accepts and enjoys sex in advertising and popular culture the way the U.S. embraces violence.  That was years ago and I have never forgotten it.

Cut to several years later and I found myself working on a global assignment with a group of excellent creatives from around the world. The core idea had a wide range of interpretation and the team quickly divided: if you were from South America or Europe, the interpretation was sexual. If you were from the U.S., the minds went straight to a street fight.  As the only XX in the group (and with the words of aforementioned creative director still burned in my brain) I may have been the only person in the room who could easily see the merit of either direction.

Over the years, I have developed a bit of a theory of my own about why I love certain campaigns that glorify sex but am incredibly offended by others. Here goes:

There’s a “giggle factor” in the U.S. about nudity and sexual attraction. A part of us that seems to be stuck somewhere between 12 and 14. (Hey isn’t that the same age as the onset of the video game love affair?) There’s a cultural phenomenon that makes a lot of Americans look twice at a girl on the beach with her bikini untied, even though she’s on her stomach. Like we’ve seen something we weren’t supposed to see.  A peep show.

Yes, she's topless. So is he.

Then there are places like Brazil, Spain, Argentina, France and of course, Greece, where the bikini tops are off. All the way off, and no one looks twice. (Unless of course you’re a tourist sneaking a shot on your phone.)  There’s a comfort with the human body in general, and sex is less of a taboo than, uh, a fact of life.

Maybe that’s why work outside of the U.S. tends to win my heart in this arena. Work that should have me wringing my XX hands at the “objectification of women” has me laughing out loud, smiling knowingly or thinking “I wish I did that.” Take for example the much-used example of the Axe effect (or Lynx effect, depending on where you’re from.) It resonates I believe in large part because it’s based on a simple truth, well told: animal attraction. No one is uptight or giggly, they are simply behaving as mammals are expected to behave. Bonus of this campaign:  no more guessing for moms around the world. Now we instantly know when our son develops and interest in girls. Just look for Axe in the shower.  Please note that I believe good taste is everyone’s responsibility. Ads that exploit or shock aren’t using sexual attraction to sell, they are using objectification as power. That’s a different, horrible beast, and perhaps the subject of a future story but not today. So know that I in no way condone or support that crap.

Of course, I am now going to completely switch my theory for a special hats off to W&K in the U.S. for Old Spice: Not only is it brilliantly-written, well-cast and strategically differentiating, it’s the the second epic campaign in a category. A campaign that has, at least in the U.S., overshadowed its predecessor.

Photo: Kevin-Peter Hubb

But Old Spice is the exception.  Peep show, ditzy girls, and Three Stooges with cleavage win the day more often than not in the U.S. That’s the stuff that rubs me the wrong way, not the fact that “I’m not the target.” (Remember, this is the XX who loved the women using a pipe in their shower as a stripper pole.)

Maybe that’s the difference. Whether you’re selling cologne, underwear or French fries, ideas that are comfortable with the fact that they are using sex to sell tend to stand the test of time. And that tells me this work is doing what it was designed to do: sell.

What’s your animal doppelgänger?

 It’s an eat or be eaten world. Survival of the fittest is the name of the game, after all.  Wait, am I talking about the animal kingdom or advertising? The answer is yes. In fact, there are so many parallels between these two wild worlds that I decided to take a look at some of the animal doppelgängers I have encountered over the years. XX or XY, see if you recognize anyone (including yourself) below:

I was never here...

The Chameleon: The ability to blend into one’s surroundings is a powerful survival technique. Sit still at all costs and maybe no one will notice you’re there at all.

The Honey Badger: Honey Badgers are hot right now (thanks YouTube) and for good reason: they’ll take anything from anyone at any time in a most tenacious and vicious way. And why not? “Honey Badger don’t care” because Honey Badgers never seem to get caught or hurt by anything. 

Please help us help them.

The Baby Seal: Harmless and helpless, these critters need the protection of others in order to survive. 

The Lion: King of the Savannah. Respect him and he will take care of you. Unless he gets hungry…

The Mandrill: What a colorful rear end.

The Praying Mantis: She’s for sure gonna eat you. Or at least try. So be careful.

The Sloth: How can something that slow-moving get by in the world? Well, much to everyone's surprise (maybe even the sloth's?) they do more than get by. They thrive.

 

Mmm, Twinkie.

The Cockroach: Others may see the cockroach as a disgusting, annoying pest, but do you think that’s how a cockroach sees itself? Of course not. Besides, the cockroach will be laughing it up and eating Twinkies long after we’ve gone the way of the Dodo.

Deer/Gazelle/Antelope/Etc:  The backbone of any ecosystem: indoors or out. These hard-working gentle souls just mind their own business and do what needs to be done: which is occasionally literally giving the skin off their own backs.

So the next time you’re on the elevator or in a status meeting, look around. Listen closely for a hiss or a growl. It's there, I promise.

Really?

WARNING: Some images may be offensive, which is at times the point of this entry but please consider yourself warned.

In life, on the road, in advertising, from the downright offensive to the simply stupid, sometimes all an XX can say is...Really?

1) I wonder if Barbie doll sales are up at this location.
(Source: funnysigns.net)

2) Uhhhh.

       
         3) Take that, Mary-Louise Parker.
        (Source: funnysigns.net)

            4) Greek tragedy take on moms. Vintage ick.

  

5) Is the "Really?" that someone named a church after the town or that someone named a town "Little Hope" in the first place? ( On the road to my brother-in-law's house in East Texas.)

6) Grocery store entry display in suburban Chicago on December 23, 2011.

7) Toy sold at (ironically) often-robbed Dollar Store in suburban Chicago. 

  

                     8) Vintage double ick.

9)  I was going to show a banned Tom Ford men's fragrance ad but decided if you really, really want to see if, you'll have to look for yourself. You'll find it on pretty much every "I'm offended" advertising site on the web.

10) My last entry talked about humor and the sexes. Apparently I was missing the obvious: gentlemen, you're only funny if you're packing bling. The trick is to make sure she's laughing at your jokes, not your gift.

Are you a good XX or a bad XX?

Santa Claus is coming to town. Which got me thinking about some of the naughty and nice women I have known over the years. Now I’ll be the first to admit, right and wrong are in the eye of the beholder.  Most of us agree on basic things like murder. Murder bad. But a lot of  this stuff is  up to your personal code. I’m a believer in what comes around goes around. My life goal as I get older is to keep more good stuff heading my direction than bad. Wish me luck.  But everyone’s different and you gotta respect that.

So let’s get started, And if you think you see yourself in one of the XX’s described below, you’re mistaken. As they say in the movies: "The events depicted in this story are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental."

Maybe.

 

Hearty Laugh Girl:  Sure, lots of XX’s can laugh. But I have worked with a woman whose laugh is so powerful it could double as a warning siren in case of emergency. I can’t tell you how wonderful and joyous that laugh was to hear. Especially from a slight distance.

Smiling Backstabby Girl: Feels like a lot of work to me to pretend to be nice while secretly plotting evil things to do when one is not looking. Unfortunately this is a minor league sport in some XX groups. Fortunately I have had limited exposure. (Sorry, I said I wasn’t going to judge, didn’t I.)

Swear Like A Sailor Girl: I have an XX coworker who drops the most descriptive, original swear phrases I have ever heard in my life. I wish I could write them down here but like vertical striped tights, I don’t have the equipment to pull it off.  I could listen to that girl for hours, waiting for the next unbelievable expletive to drop. She may be the single most creative person I have ever met in my life.

Strange Noise Girl: Okay maybe this is off task a bit but I can't get it out of my head. Years ago I worked with a woman who made strange noises in meetings. By “strange” I mean in the spectrum of the much-overused Meg Ryan ‘When Harry met Sally” scene, imagine you’re about 20% of the way in. That’s the noise. I remember having a secret dream sequence in which I lean over to her and ask her to put both hands on the table where we can all see them. I never lived that dream unfortunately.

Heart of Gold Girl: I have been fortunate enough to know several of these. Many have been coworkers. One I count among my very best friends. She would do anything for someone she cares about. At any personal cost. I am humbled that she calls me “friend.” Another is my sister. I don’t know how she does it, but she maintains a sweetness and goodness that makes me both proud and intimidated at the same time.

Don Rickles Girl: Maybe you don’t know Don Rickles, he is a very old comedian who makes jokes by belittling others. I remember how much my mom hated Don Rickles when I was little. “Why does he have to be so mean?” she’d yell at the tv. Don Rickles Girl knew why. Just like writing a basher blog, it’s a lot easier to pick on the bad stuff.  I don’t know what she’s up to these days, but I sure hope she’s not counting on the same “comes around goes around” code that I believe in or she’s toast. (Whoops I did it again.)

Of course, I am pleased to say, my life and my career have been blessed with many more amazing, thoughtful, supportive, funny, kind, and loving XX’s . Some I’ve known for years, some I only met weeks or even days ago. 

Dear Santa: Please be as generous to them as they have been to me.

Happy Holidays.