Goodbye to one of the gentlest XX’s I’ll ever know

My very close friend and former art director called a little after eight last night. I was firing off work emails as I plowed into a very busy, very complicated week. Suddenly, time stopped. His wife, who had a brain tumor removed a few weeks ago, died unexpectedly yesterday.

I’m on my way there now. Because right before her surgery she called me, and asked if I could fly out if anything went wrong.  

It did.

That was textbook “her” of course. She wanted her husband to have his closest friends around him if she didn’t make it.  As I sit on the plane, the memories flood back. She was a stay at home mom until her kids were well into high school. An Alpha Mom not because she had to be the best, but because she believed her family deserved the best.  In my last post, I talked about being pegged as a “Mommy Expert.” Many of my talents in that area deserve a shout out to her. She was patient and helpful (whether we thought we needed it or not) as my husband and I honked and flapped our way through the Early Years with our children.  She knew just how to burp a baby, just how to change a baby and she knew just what to feed me when I was so morning sick I couldn’t stand up. She was the PTA mom, the volunteer, the one who had dinner on the table every night at six. Yes, she made her own pizza dough from scratch. She introduced me to a world of gluten-free flour and homemade pumpkin baby food, but smiled patiently as I whipped out the frozen waffles on my way to work.

My friend and her husband raised two great kids who loved their mom dearly, even through the teen years. (I was really counting on some pointers there, my Dear.) One graduates from college this December and has already landed a great job. The other, a freshman, is making A’s across the board at school back East. In fact it was only hours after her eldest left for his last semester at school that she went to the doctor with a terrible headache. Even her illness had to wait for a Mother’s job to be done.

But the thing I really want you to know about my friend was her kindness. You couldn’t walk in their door without hearing: “Do you want something to drink? I have cold water in the fridge, chardonnay, I can open a red, we also have root beer, orange or lime seltzer, pineapple juice, I think there’s some rum in the front cabinet if you want that, orange juice, green tea, milk, no you are lactose intolerant I forgot, and I think we might have some Hansen sodas in the basement…let me go check. “ She enjoyed making others feel welcome. And yeah, that girl could talk. I mean talk. She enjoyed talking about the things and the people she loved.

That’s what I will remember. A gentle soul who would fight like a grizzly for those she loved. A Melanie Wilkes of our time. Goodbye my Dear. The world needs more XX’s like you, not less.